It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
