At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
