Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
