You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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