just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
