I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
