The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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