I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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