Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize