Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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