even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm having to shit out rocks
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
