And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
