I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
