a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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