I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
