We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
