and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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