Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
