You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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