after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
