I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
