dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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