apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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