my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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