I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Be still, my beating vagina.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
