she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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