the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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