On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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