sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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