They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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