She's JV to your varsity
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
