someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize