Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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