Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
