You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
