What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
