So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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