Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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