how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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