Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
