I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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