do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
