Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
