You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
