So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
