He uses pillows to masturbate.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
