yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
