and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
