How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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