So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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