do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
