he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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