Hey man sorry I got all grabby
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
