I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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