I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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