evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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