I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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