How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
