I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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