Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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