last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
