Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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