I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
