What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
