god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
