tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
