After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
