I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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