hotel room ftw
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
