it's not cheating when I paid for it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize