Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize