You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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