That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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