You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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