i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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