I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
