Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
