My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
