90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
