Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize