4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
