if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize