he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
