and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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