i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
