guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
