based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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