when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
