You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
