The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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