I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So apparently I’m into choking now
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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