not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Im part way to drunk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
