I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
