My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
