dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
