Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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